I woke up New Year’s Day, shivering in a tent for two on the cold ground near the herb garden on my friend’s farm. On account of my clumsily spilling an entire bottle of red wine the night before, I had soaked myself in the good stuff and was paying dearly as I slid my frozen, wine-stained clothing back on in the early hours. My tent companion slipped away to converse with the other outdoor sleepers, the chickens nearby, as I hastily packed up the tent. I scurried upstairs to the farmhouse, content to find proper breakfast, coffee and a hot shower awaiting me. I was due to receive Lucia in 30 minutes so I wasted no time with utensils, filling up with potatoes and eggs straight from our friends outside. As we said goodbye and rushed out the door, I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had started out a year so satisfied.
The flurry of activity that’s marked these last few weeks hasn’t allowed much time for reflection and I’m thankful now for a quiet minute (and a glass of Scotch whisky) to think on the year that’s passed.
To say this year has held its challenges would be an understatement; divorce is never something we plan for. Neither is single parenthood or starting over or a million other things that people far less fortunate than I have to endure. But in my case, I’m getting better at letting go. I’m getting better at realizing that black and white statements have no place in the subjective reality of life. I’m getting better at prioritizing my own needs and wants as my once helpless baby turns into her own beautiful, challenging little person.
I’m thankful to not know where this year will take us and I hope I never plan too far ahead to miss the sweet surprise of the unexpected. While we try to patiently sit in the gray unknowing as the future becomes present and things shift and slide around and inside us, I hope we all find satisfaction in the now, wherever that may be.
Happy New Year!